Rambles, rants and raves

A lot of opinions spilling out of my brain


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A big ramble trying to talk about little things

This time last year I was in New York having the Best Time Ever. This time last year I was posing for a photo outside the New York Public Library (a must for book-worms like me) and still had a whole New York adventure to live out.

Now I am sitting in my parent’s kitchen blogging. The sun is shining, the pup is eating my slipper which is still on my foot and the cats are sleeping in the living room. I am also a reporter on my local newspaper which continues to thrill me with joy even when it’s stressing me out.

It’s funny how things change. The boy and I were planning to go travelling this September but then the opportunity for the job I am in came along and I had to grab it with both hands – the same way I intended to do with travelling. It was a great way of getting on the ladder and learning the ropes the only way you can when you’re in a job. The boy was happy to postpone the travelling and so was I and I still don’t regret my part in that decision after six months. I still plan on going travelling but it won’t be for a little while yet and I’m happy with that.

If you’d told me that last year when I was posing for a photo outside the New York Public Library I would have probably laughed in your face and been a little dismissive. Travelling is something I have always wanted to do, and am determined to do – I would have seen no other way than doing it as soon as possible and that would have been when the boy graduated.

But things change. Opportunities come up that are too good to miss and you’d be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t grab onto them with every bit of strength and vigour you had.

I am a planner and it is often difficult to accept that my plans must change. I am also stubborn so this adds to my hesitance of not wanting changes in my plans.

I like change that comes from stepping out of your comfort zone, doing something different and pushing yourself so I plan to do things like that but I don’t appreciate the other type of change that makes you stay right where you are and make the most out of it – milk it until it’s dry and then you can move on. That is the type of change that came in January when a work experience placement turned into a interview for a proper reporting job. I would have been stupid not to take it, even if it wasn’t in my plans and I think that’s why I don’t regret it. It’s an exciting change but a different one to what I was planning. Maybe if it had been a compromise I would think differently, I don’t know.

So right now, I’m not in NY ticking off a dream come true (I have wanted to travel there since I read about it books and realised it wasn’t make-believe) and daydreaming of a travel adventure. Right now I am ticking off a job as a reporter on a local paper – another dream come true.

Just because everything doesn’t happen at once, doesn’t mean it won’t. We leave in an age of immediacy and sometimes we lose sight of the fact that though human life doesn’t last as long as certain other creatures on this planet we have a long while to make the most out of it. We are living longer, healthier lives and we need to make the most out of all of it – not just the first 20 years.

Right now, I feel very, very lucky. I feel like I am milking life and it’s a good feeling. Often in society we’re made to feel narcissistic for bigging ourselves or the lives we lead up but that can’t be good for us emotionally. That means we look for dissatisfaction and unease and stress. So, here I am saying I am happy with life  – though this week has been a little like drowning in mud – it happens. Not every day can be perfect.

This blog post has little meaning, or significance. It is just a person declaring she is happy. A person accepting that change happens and embracing it because it’s another adventure. Not the same one, or a better one, but a different one that’s just as exciting.


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Wanderlust

Wanderlust: noun, a great desire to travel and rove about, a desire for wandering.

I have wanted to explore the world and travel since a time before a steady memory developed for me. It’s been something that I’ve always wanted to do and as I, apparently grow up, the more determined I am to make that dream a reality.

I don’t think I’d be happy, living my whole life in one place without seeing at least a little bit of the world. Planet Earth is a big place and it would be silly to not use the time I have exploring places that most people only see through their TV screens.

I am hoping to travel in roughly a years time. A backpacking trip around South America with the boy. Hopefully, fingers crossed. Rough plans have been decided and the little details are slowly being ironed out. If it goes according to plan – it’ll be my first step towards exploring the world. My mum is afraid I won’t come back. I’m afraid I won’t want to.

I have a massively long list of places I want to go, people I want to meet and things I want to do while I’m out there on a massive adventure, not just in South America but future exploits around the globe. It won’t be easy and it’ll take planning and money and time. But I don’t care. It will be worth it. For me, it would be a terrible waste of my life if I didn’t see the things I read about in books and magazines, the places I dream about and see on television. The roads less travelled and the ones concreted over for their popularity.

Travelling to me is a way to see something different, to grow and to learn. To fully realise, have it thrown in your face type realisation, that the world is a big place full of lots of amazing things. You are just a part of a huge ecosystem, a massive universe. I like that feeling. I think it’s why I love the stars.

To quench my wanderlust at least a tiny bit, I devour travel articles, blogs, videos, TV shows – everything. One day soon it will be my turn. It’ll be my opportunity to take a few steps away from my front door and throw myself out there.

How very exciting.

A beautiful colourful world map. Makes it even more beautiful, in an arty way. Found on Piccsy, link is here: http://piccsy.com/2011/06/lovely-colourful-world-map


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7 things that should happen to me right now

So it’s Tuesday. I am yet again filling in applications and trying to learn shorthand before my course starts in September (because I’m geeky and like to get ahead). Both tasks are making me start to hallucinate of places where such things don’t exist: you know, happy places.

This is me, only I’m not feigning my exasperation. And there might be a little more paper around me.

Out of said hallucinations (hallucinations were a result of a tedious Wednesday not from any enhancing type thing that could have been consumed. This is my promise to you) this list was born.

1. Some very handsome man would knock on my door and hand me a check for at least £150,000,000.

I don’t even need that much money, but I would help a lot of people with it. I also like how many zeros that number has without it being a bad thing.

2. I’d open the fridge to see that there was a lifetime supply of muller blackberry yogurts and strawberry or NY cheesecakes. 

Obviously these would be the best tasting muller yogurts and strawberry or NY cheesecakes in the whole universe and they would not make me so fat that I could no longer walk to the fridge to get such glorious food.

3. At least two dogs would magic up, I’d keep them as pets and my parents wouldn’t even care

Any breed is good of course but so far I’ve only imagined huskies, dalmatians, bull mastiffs, labradors and French bulldogs. They would love me almost as much as I’d love them.

4. YouTube would stop interrupting my incredible playlist with adverts that are so loud, my eardrums have burst.

I’m productive to music, if this could happen for just two hours who knows what I could accomplish?

5. Make nudism okay in public

Okay, I know I’m inside trying not to drown in my own desperation of never ending applications but I have to leave my house at some point to pick my mum up from work. This means putting on clothes that at least cover part of my body. I’m currently wearing shorts that love to ride up and kiss my bum and a top that’s so baggy there’s really not much point in it – if you get my drift. Attractive, I know. Still, I would be far happier if this was allowed without me running the risk of getting arrested.

6. My life suddenly turns into a musical

I want people to burst in (in a totally non-scary way) and start singing about my little predicament and how it’ll all work out in the end. I want us to all do the same dancing moves, smiling so brightly it might rip our faces and all singing in perfect tune.

7. ONE application is accepted

Please.


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I deserve a dog

I have wanted a dog for as long as I remember. As a child my parents decided to deprive me of such an important thing in my childhood. There was an always an excuse: “We live in a flat/We don’t have time for a dog/ They’re too expensive/ We have a garden now but we have long schedules/ Oh look at that, we got a cat instead.”

They compensated for the lack of a canine companion in our family by allowing us to have other animals instead: goldfish, hamsters, budgies, cockatiels, canaries, terrapins, gerbils, rabbits and cats. Oh and I have a younger sister, that counts too.

I love every single animal I have had the pleasure of having in my home. My first goldfish was the best goldfish in the world. I was six and he was very fat. He once got stuck in a shell and we had to hammer the shell open to get him out and he survived. He was like superman. In my memory he was born at more or less the same time I was which makes him a God of Fish. Every single pet I have had as bought me countless memories, lots of headaches, lots of laughs, lots of work and lots of love.

I now have two cats, two cockatiels, one rabbit and my sister owns two hamsters which are often the cause of me sneaking into her room. They’re all happy, crazy animals; although Jack, our male cockatiel is just plain mean. If it wasn’t for Hope, his girlfriend and our female cockatiel, convincing him otherwise he would have escaped his cage and killed me in my sleep: Alfred Hitchcock’s Birds style.

Anyway I’m moving off topic. I deserve a dog. I’m 21, I’m a graduate and I’m going to start an intensive six month course in September. I mean, sure, that would sound like I wouldn’t have time to look after said dog but I would. I would treat that dog like friggin royalty. I look at other people walking their dogs and wonder how far I could get if I was to just steal the dog away. I mean, no one holds onto leashes that tightly. If I carried scissors in my bag I would have probably stolen one by now. Maybe two.

I deserve a dog because I am a good daughter. I deserve a dog because I will love him unconditionally. I deserve a dog because I would be the best damn dog owner ever. I deserve a dog because I would not dress him in human clothes thus humiliating him and taking away from him any of the doggy reputation he once had. I deserve a dog because I would take him for walks at least twice a day; he would motivate me to exercise and I would motivate him to well, well I would go for walks with him like he wants.

I love my current pets. In fact Matilda, one of our cats, is currently sleeping beside me with her paw on my leg: in case I run away. She loves me that much. Animals and children seem to be attracted to me, like polar ends of a magnet. Case in point would be in Central Park in New York City: the boy and I were wandering through and somehow I ended up crouching on the ground with two squirrels in touching distance and feeding birds out of my hand. I was kind of like Snow White but more sweaty and a lot less talented with the whole singing thing.

Anyway, I deserve a dog because I am awesome. Thinking about it, I know it may not be feasible right now. Although I will never admit this to either of my parents. Yet I still can’t help but daydream whenever I’m walking somewhere, becoming more common now that my car is sick, of finding a dog during my walk and taking him home to nurse him, love him and finally have a canine companion.

Any of the dogs in this little gallery will suffice. All photos were found on my wanderings of the world wide web.


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New York, New York

My absence from the blogging world will be very much understood if you’ve read the title of this blog post. I assume you have as you wouldn’t be two sentences into this terrible beginning of said post if you hadn’t.

I have wanted to go to New York ever since I found out it wasn’t a movie set but a real place. This wonderful city, where so much magic was created was, to me a dream location. This year I was determined to go, and save myself a ridiculous amount of money. If anyone was reading my blog then you’ll see I set myself an impossible task that I’m proud to say I failed (but not miserably so yay!) I realised if I wanted to save money that New York would have to take a back seat, much to my disappointment. It was supposed to be a 21st birthday present to myself. But the wonderful boy decided to make one of my many dreams come true and buy me a ticket. He surprised me, I cried, called my mum and cried again. Happy tears of course.

So, for the past 10 days I have been having an incredible time in New York. I met up with family I hadn’t seen in about four years; I saw everything; I got lost; I spent all my money; I got sunburnt and bitten by mosquitoes; I got scared by a gorilla; I learnt to love air con; I listened to a two man mariachi band on the subway; I walked so much I wanted to cut my feet off and I had the most fantastic of times.

New York is honestly one of the craziest places I have ever been to. Bright, big and loud; I saw firsthand why it’s dubbed the city that never sleeps. It wasn’t all great of course, their lack of maps confuses my British mind as does their terrible signalling in the subways. My next few blog posts will be in dedication to this wonderful city and to a dream come true of being able to visit (I’ve already picked what block, and apartment I want to live in).

This little blog post is just to say thank you New York. You made it so hot I wanted to take my clothes off but then you supplied me with conveniently placed water fountains; you made me have so many adventures that I will never stop retelling my stories, no matter how many times people have heard them; thank you New York for always having at least twenty things going on at once at various costs: I like choice.

Visting New York has just determined my love for it. I didn’t kiss the sidewalks however, they were crazy dirty and I wasn’t punched by a New Yorker so yay! On that note I’m not even sure how New Yorkers got the reputation of being mean and sick of tourists. Everyone I met was really friendly and went out of their way to help us, be it when I was shouting hysterically down the Diamond district (more on that in my next post) or talking to myself about a beautiful building. I love New York and I love New Yorkers.

Three cheers for the city that never sleeps.

One of many photos I took whilst on top of the Empire State Building (86th floor).


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Dreams? Not for everyone apparently

I have been all over the shop this past week or so and although my blog seems to have naturally changed to a weekly update thing I am so tired of essay writing (already!) and am feeling tired but with a still buzzing brain and as a I wait for the boy to get onto skype I felt it was a perfect opportunity to blog.

I am in my final year at university this year, I graduate in July which is only four months away. As a result, I do what every average person would and start thinking about my dreams. After all, it is the reason I’m at university in the first place to be able to achieve my dreams and all those wonderfully impossible ambitions I have! I don’t want the deep despairing hole of student debt trying to engulf me for no good reason. But I digress.

I was talking to a friend today and during the conversation I happened to ask one of my favourite questions ever to ask a human to him, I feel it says a lot about a person. I asked him what his dream was. Not his dream that would please others or get him away from his problems but a dream or an ambition he’s always wanted to achieve. Just because he wants to. He shocked me slightly, as it does every time I get this answer, that he didn’t really have a dream or an ambition. Happiness is enough. Which is all well and good but I’m confused. (I wrote about something along those lines here https://browneyesandgreenbees.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/happiness/ way back when last year).

His dream is to be happy yet he’s currently miserable, feeling low and a little sorry for himself. In my opinion, as nice and lovely as it is to have a dream of being happy it’s not realistic. It’s like aiming to drop a dress size but not telling yourself you’re going to get there through healthy eating and exercise. If your dream is to be happy (which is obviously everyone’s dream – no one aims to be depressed) then you have to have aims of how you’ll achieve that. Humans like to be complex creatures as such having such a basic dream or ambition as being happy means that you’ll never actually achieve it. Funny how the world works, huh?

Not having a dream is fine. Stating your dream is to be happy is like saying well I hope I’m still breathing so that I can have dinner. Duh. Everyone wants to be happy. Those that don’t want to be happy usually wish they could want such a thing. A dream does not mean a state of being, because it’s just illogical to mean such a thing. A dream or an ambition is fundamentally the steps to getting you to ‘happy’ or at least meaning that on the way to achieving those dreams you find ‘happy’.

Banksy

Also, you can’t technically dream to be happy. Even if you have everything in the world. A secure family, health, money, time and whatever else people fantasise as the ideal; there will be times when you’re not happy. That’s just human nature. To be consistently happy, I mean not a single day with even a second less than pure elation would drive you crazy. And it’s just not humanely possible, unless you’re a toy or a cartoon and you’re smile is drawn on. I am a naturally happy person, it is my fall back emotion and yet even I allow myself to feel anger, sadness, disappointment and hope. That’s what life’s about. Not being happy all the time, learning and evolving and reaching happy again, it’s about exploration not numbing yourself to certain emotions because they are seen as ‘negative’.

I have countless dreams but never have I felt the need to announce that I dream to be happy. Firstly because I am lucky enough to feel happy most of the time and secondly because that is just a general consensus. I do not like assumptions but just like I assume that if you’re reading this you’re breathing (and have access to the internet) so I assume that you want to be happy.

You can’t dream an assumption. You can’t dream for something that is obvious for every person on this planet (and there are a lot of people). It’s like every person in a beauty pageant asking for world peace. It’s a given. And although I believe everything should be stated at least once, I do feel it’s a little silly to say you dream to be happy.

Maybe I’m being overly ambitious and judgemental but I stand by what I say. I think it’s more logical to state that you don’t yet have a dream; or that you’re still figuring  it out; or that you don’t need one because you’ve got all you want and you couldn’t ask for more. That, to me, makes a lot more sense.