Rambles, rants and raves

A lot of opinions spilling out of my brain

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Angry TigerI feel like this. The reason for that is multi-faceted and not very hard to explain. But I won’t explain it because I was once told you should never write when you are consumed with emotion – or you should never write anything that may be seen by others when you are consumed with emotions. The best time to write is when your mind is so quiet that you can hear everything you have ever felt and dreamed of and everything you will feel and dream of. You want your mind to be a blank slate rather than a twisted web where you can’t find beginnings or ends.

I often find it harder to write when I am calm. I like to write when an idea sweeps me up in it like a gigantic wave and I have to swim to keep afloat. But maybe that’s why so many things lie unfinished in my desk drawers or in forgotten folders on my laptop. Once the wave of excitement is gone I’m too scared, too judgemental of my own writing to carry on.

That’s the thing with emotions, it is very easy to get swept up in the moment – that’s no bad thing of course, but it does not bode well for when those emotions pass and you are left with the consequences of following your emotions and thinking of little else. I don’t mean in gestures of love, or crazy moments of adventure or of finally taking that step to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Songs, films and novels are created based on those emotional triggers and catching the magic in them.

But there are times when it is best to think, take a step back and breathe. Soak it in and embrace it without having to significantly alter your life or risk altering it in a negative way.

We are not robots obviously and our emotions help make us the people that we are but it’s also worth embracing the calm – the ‘nothing’ – between those moments of euphoria or sadness or anger. It is, after all, where we live most of our lives; not in the extreme but the in-between. I think we would do well to embrace that and enjoy it too. We may become happier, more balanced and better people. Not everything has to be life and death. Joy, or satisfaction, can come from the medium too.


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When I can’t find the words

When I can’t find the words, or they feel inadequate, I usually look at pictures and other people’s words or go and do something else to see if I can find them.

Sometimes the words will come right to the edge of my brain and then when I try to grab them, they slip away like eels. It leaves me a little confused because I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling and that leaves me with deep thoughts. But I enjoy my time swimming in them.

Today, maybe because I’m tired, I couldn’t catch my words. I stepped away and it didn’t help. I looked at other words and that didn’t help and then I went into my contemplating mood and realised how I was feeling but I still couldn’t find the words that gave those feelings justice. I started randomly browsing and after less than 30 seconds I found an image that described my feelings – in the grand scheme of things – completely.

Azealia Banks by Matt Barnes. Found on piccsy.com

Azealia Banks by Matt Barnes. Found on piccsy.com

I am happy. I am lucky. And, most of all, I am extremely grateful. This picture sums it up very well. Sometimes, I just can’t find the words and there’s no shame in that. An image can speak for itself.


Valentines Day is stupid

I have been feeling a little lax lately when it comes to blogging because nothing has really pushed me into posting. Usually I have a strong feeling or idea about something that I feel urged to write about. The last two posts didn’t make me feel that way and I was a little worried that I’d lost my mojo (maybe I have) but then February 14th arrived.

The day is ridiculous. A consumerist invention that requires us to spend money on things that are red, pink and heart-shaped. It’s all about expressing your love by going to a restaurant that has upped its prices for the day to make the most of the event. It’s about buying a stupid card with a ridiculous poem because it’s easier than saying all of that yourself. Basically, Valentines Day sucks.

This is me. I think that's all that really needs to be said. Picture found on http://piccsy.com/2013/02/this-will-be-me-unfortunately

This is me. I think that’s all that really needs to be said. Picture found on http://piccsy.com/2013/02/this-will-be-me-unfortunately

I know from the paragraph above you probably will consider me to be some sort of crazy hater who is probably single and prefers animals and humans. Only part of that is true because in fact I have a boyfriend who I love very much and who I am very, very, very happy with. It doesn’t change my opinion on Valentines Day though.

Many people spend more time and effort on Valentines Day than they do on actual anniversaries which is stupid. Stupid and dumb – same thing I know but I want to emphasise the idiocy. I know that Valentines Day is based on St Valentines who died on February 14. He wasn’t used as a figure for the day until the middle ages (dark ages) when things were so miserable they had to think of some sort of ancient figure that could be celebrated in between New Years and Easter.

Not much is actually known about St Valentine. Stories say different things: how he died for love etc and how he may actually be a joining of two saints that have just got melded together within history.

If St Valentines had any sort of emotion behind it, it would have been a long time ago. Now it is filled with tacky gifts and awful gimmicks as well as increased prices and the uncomfortable feeling that comes from being forced to do something. Because that’s all Valentine’s is – it isn’t special, we’ve just been told it’s special. Nobody actually celebrates St Valentine himself because there aren’t enough stories about him in history. It’s just another reason to buy crap that you’re going to stick into a cupboard and never look at again.

Valentines Day is nothing but an opportunity for shops to make couples feel guilty if they don’t do anything. Valentine’s Day has become a business opportunity, it is a way for shops to make up the money that they didn’t quite make in January.

There shouldn’t just be one day where you celebrate your love, that should be done every day. Love doesn’t need to come in the form of stupid gifts either especially if they’re just bought because it’s Valentines Day and no real thought has been put into it.

It’s funny because Valentine’s Day is nothing at all like love. It is fleeting and empty, filled with generic objects that are deemed appropriate just because they fit a certain colour scheme. Valentine’s Day is a little like eating a cracker, you forget it’s happened pretty quickly because it is that insignificant (unless it’s when you were born or married or whatever – but that’s obvious).

Romance and love is not a box of chocolates and some flowers on the day that everybody else is doing it too because WHSmith have a sign in their window saying so. Romance and love happens everyday in little messages, random gestures of caring and gifts that actually mean something and are bought, well, just because.

Love happens everyday. It’s not a birthday or a holiday, that happens at the same time every year. It’s a feeling.