Rambles, rants and raves

A lot of opinions spilling out of my brain


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Medium

Angry TigerI feel like this. The reason for that is multi-faceted and not very hard to explain. But I won’t explain it because I was once told you should never write when you are consumed with emotion – or you should never write anything that may be seen by others when you are consumed with emotions. The best time to write is when your mind is so quiet that you can hear everything you have ever felt and dreamed of and everything you will feel and dream of. You want your mind to be a blank slate rather than a twisted web where you can’t find beginnings or ends.

I often find it harder to write when I am calm. I like to write when an idea sweeps me up in it like a gigantic wave and I have to swim to keep afloat. But maybe that’s why so many things lie unfinished in my desk drawers or in forgotten folders on my laptop. Once the wave of excitement is gone I’m too scared, too judgemental of my own writing to carry on.

That’s the thing with emotions, it is very easy to get swept up in the moment – that’s no bad thing of course, but it does not bode well for when those emotions pass and you are left with the consequences of following your emotions and thinking of little else. I don’t mean in gestures of love, or crazy moments of adventure or of finally taking that step to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Songs, films and novels are created based on those emotional triggers and catching the magic in them.

But there are times when it is best to think, take a step back and breathe. Soak it in and embrace it without having to significantly alter your life or risk altering it in a negative way.

We are not robots obviously and our emotions help make us the people that we are but it’s also worth embracing the calm – the ‘nothing’ – between those moments of euphoria or sadness or anger. It is, after all, where we live most of our lives; not in the extreme but the in-between. I think we would do well to embrace that and enjoy it too. We may become happier, more balanced and better people. Not everything has to be life and death. Joy, or satisfaction, can come from the medium too.

 


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Vulnerability

I was going to write an incredibly brilliant blog post – you’ll just have to take my word for this, as instead I watched this epic video and she made my incredibly brilliant blog post look a little crappy, which is really saying something I swear.

It was also so good that I’ve decided to share it with you guys. Brene Brown’s talk is epic. Enjoy!


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Right or wrong?

Right or wrong isn’t as clear cut as we naturally assume. It’s far more complicated in a lot of instances because life’s a lot messier than Hollywood, fairytales and people looking to get you on side would have you believe. Right or wrong in many instances is clear, something basic like 2+2 would obviously give you a right or wrong answer, there is not in-between. Stealing is normally seen as wrong, but what if it’s to feed yourself because you haven’t eaten in days, or to feed your child because you can’t afford to feed them? Is it wrong then, I don’t think it’s as clear.

Right or wrong is also not clear when something that’s right for you may have negative consequences for someone else. What do you then? Do you persecute yourself by not doing what’s right for you? Or risk upsetting someone else and doing what you know, for you; is the right thing to do? What’s right or wrong then?

My advice when people are stuck between doing what would seem like the right thing for them and the ‘textbook’ right thing to do is go with your gut, go with what’s right for you. Usually the right thing to do is not easiest; usually it requires courage and a strong heart and head to be able to do the right thing for you.

Doing the right thing doesn’t mean you’ll be applauded for it, if history has taught us anything, it’s that doing the right thing will probably get you into a lot of trouble at first, it may even make people hate you, you’ll doubt yourself. When situations are less clear cut, it’s a lot harder to decide between right or wrong.

But the thing is, this life is ours for the taking. We can choose to survive or we can choose to live. Sometimes doing the right thing for you, which may not be the right thing for others is the only way you can make sure you’re happy, that you’re still living the life you want to live, that you’re not settling just because you’re too scared to change, or shake the waters a little.

In a way, doing the right thing should be deemed doing the right thing for you (not in all situations: I’m not condoning criminal activity!) If doing the ‘textbook’ right thing is actually going to screw you up or make you unhappy, then isn’t it really the wrong thing to do? Why is your happiness or your sanity less important than someone else’s?

That’s what it should come down to. If you only have two choices and you think one is the right thing for you but may upset a few people, then maybe you should take it? A human lives for up to 80 years, you’re bound to upset someone in that lifetime. If it means that you’re doing what is, fundamentally, the right thing especially in the long term then be brave, take a deep breath and do it.

Good luck.


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Happiness

It’s strange but I’ve only recently realised that many forget to be happy or at least they forget to find out if they are happy. People get caught up in the mundane of their lives, or on the amount of things that have to do or the dreams they want to achieve that they forget to be happy. They may be happy, they just don’t realise it so does that even qualify as happiness?

Happiness is different for everyone, where rainstorms practically make me jump around in glee (which I have been known to do on occasion), I know they terrify some. It’s all perspective and obviously some people are happy with not realising they are happy. Some don’t need the confirmation to be happy, they just assume they are. It’s not exactly how I’d define happy but so each to their own.

A lot of people are never asked questions like “Are you happy?” “How do you feel about it all?” “How are you?” from people that genuinely mean it and actually want to hear your answer because they care, not for the gossip or as a conversation filler. Even those that love you and care for you sometime forget to ask. I think I know why. Apart from the fact that people are busy with their own lives, I think it’s because happiness as become an assumption.

People, and this is from society’s expectations of us, are assumed to be happy; people assume that happiness is other people’s default state. Even though they know, from their own personal experience that it probably isn’t theirs. Although they probably don’t know that. They probably don’t know that because they just assume they are happy too; people are too scared to evaluate themselves and see if they are really happy. People are curious about others and everything around them, but to self reflect and ask themselves, what is in my opinion a fundamental question, is shoved to one side and ignored.

It’s important to take a step back and breathe. Otherwise before you know it, you’re not okay. You’re unhappy, you’re frustrated and you’re annoyed. These emotions may be because of whatever is happening in your life at the time when you come to the awful realisation that you’re not happy. But you’d probably be slightly better equipped to handle those negative emotions if you’d asked yourself if you’re happy long before then.

Happiness is not an assumption; happiness is not something we should be complacent about. Happiness is one of the most important things in the world, it’s what helps make life that little brighter. You may surprise yourself when you ask yourself if you’re happy. You may stop and see and you may realise that you are happier than you realised.

I think the majority of people would agree that happiness is important to a healthy mentality. Isn’t that what everyone is striving for? Happiness? Isn’t that what companies are selling us when they advertise the newest gadget, car or perfume? Happiness? So why do we forget to actually ask ourselves such a simple question? Does the potential of a no scare people too much?

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to acknowledge your happiness and not just assume that you are. If you are happy, then great; you’ll find yourself feeling happier at realising your happy. If you’re not happy then you can start working towards being happier. But I should also point out that it’s okay not to be happy. It’s alright to be sad and to not be okay. Human beings are complex creatures and we need that too. For me though happiness is crucial to living and not just surviving.

Happiness is not an assumption.