Rambles, rants and raves

A lot of opinions spilling out of my brain

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When I can’t find the words

When I can’t find the words, or they feel inadequate, I usually look at pictures and other people’s words or go and do something else to see if I can find them.

Sometimes the words will come right to the edge of my brain and then when I try to grab them, they slip away like eels. It leaves me a little confused because I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling and that leaves me with deep thoughts. But I enjoy my time swimming in them.

Today, maybe because I’m tired, I couldn’t catch my words. I stepped away and it didn’t help. I looked at other words and that didn’t help and then I went into my contemplating mood and realised how I was feeling but I still couldn’t find the words that gave those feelings justice. I started randomly browsing and after less than 30 seconds I found an image that described my feelings – in the grand scheme of things – completely.

Azealia Banks by Matt Barnes. Found on piccsy.com

Azealia Banks by Matt Barnes. Found on piccsy.com

I am happy. I am lucky. And, most of all, I am extremely grateful. This picture sums it up very well. Sometimes, I just can’t find the words and there’s no shame in that. An image can speak for itself.


And with a little action too

As someone who earns a living by writing (that is probably the best sentence I’ve ever, ever written), I truly believe with all my heart and soul that words have a lot of power. Words are everything. But a little action is needed. Words can take you a long way but if you never follow through or put those ideas and words into practice then they can never take to the places you talk about. Ideas are wonderful – making them into a reality is even better and that takes actions as well as words.


I sometimes judge books by their covers

Black Beauty book cover from Penguins. It’s actually embroidered! Amazing right?

I love books. I am a book fan, a book worm, and a lover of the written word. Going into Foyles is one of the best things about shopping in Westfield, London. When I went to New York, on the top of my ‘must see’ list was The Strand Bookstore. If I ever go to antique fairs, or markets I always keep an eye out for any books that may take my fancy.

I sometimes use the cliche of not judging a book by its cover even though I hate cliches. It’s usually to illustrate further a point that has already been made, like that extra punch. I use it, but I don’t actually agree with it.

I judge books by their covers a lot. Especially if I haven’t heard of it, or read any thoughts or reviews on the book or the author. If the cover doesn’t appeal to me, then it’s more than likely that I won’t buy the book. The blurb, if good enough, can change my mind but it rarely does.

I can’t help it. I love my books. But I don’t just love the words written inside them, I love the care, consideration and art that goes into what protects those words: the book cover.

It may make me superficial. In fact, I think it probably does a little. I see books, my reading, as an experience – an escapism. Some people watch films, I read books. A tiny bit of that experience comes from the book cover. It is like the beginning sentence, maybe not as important, but just as valid.

A bad cover will not take away from an amazing story. However a brilliant book cover may add to an incredible story and may make you read a book that isn’t as good. A book cover, to me, helps make my books more of a visual art to hold what’s inside.

A picture paints a thousand words; the introduction of the book could, in essence, come from the cover itself.


This is a title

This is a blog post. You are a person reading this blog post; you may be skimming through or reading every word as carefully as it was written. You may be letting these words wash over you or may be letting them sink under the skin to settle.

I am a girl. I’m trying to become a journalist. Right now, according to society, I am a nobody. My box according to the world would be ‘graduate: potential journalist.’ I’m sitting in my garden lacking inspiration, being frustrated at continuos application forms and cover letters that need to be filled out or written, all essentially wanting to know who I am. What I can do for them. What makes me special.

How can I explain something like that? How can I summarise in a letter or a box that allows for only 200 words that I should be hired above the other hundreds of applicants? Where do I even begin?

I am like everybody else. Because everybody else is trying to be different and I am trying to be different. We’re all trying so hard to stand out and get ahead that we all end up on the same start up line. We are united in wanting to be individuals. There are only so many words that can be used to describe myself, even obscure words are in limited number. A language, although constantly evolving, is not quite infinite. So how can you show you are more hard working, more passionate, more determined than everyone else if there are only a certain amount of words to use and everyone else uses them too?

The thing with applications, CVs and cover letters is that attempting to make them stand out to a company that probably sees thousands of these documents a year, makes the task very, very hard. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible of course. Nothing is impossible.

I received all the documents for my journalism course starting in September. They mentioned work experience and I know that you just can’t stop trying. It doesn’t matter if you’re being boxed in and labelled as whatever hole it is that society is trying to mould you into.

It is what it is. You are what you are. The words you put on the paper are much like the words I’m typing into this blog post. They could be skimmed over, ignored, read over and appreciated. Either way it’s a hit and miss thing when you’re writing something to someone that has never met you and doesn’t know you. The best thing to do is keep trying, you’ll get someone that really does let your words sink in and sit in their brain. They’ll be the ones that will see the difference in your overused words on an application form. They’ll feel the emotion behind the typing (hard to do but it’s true) rather than just take the words at face value. They’ll have mastered reading between the lines and if they feel that you’re different, even though we’re all the same, just trying to be different. Then that’ll be the moment. The one you’ve been waiting and working for. The moment that changes things, that creates ripples.

We’re just people. These are just words. It’s all trying very hard to stand out and still to connect with someone.

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Words that anger me

As a student studying English Language and Literature I fear that I will become a words snob. Luckily, and sadly, I make way too many mistakes in my speech. This is due tomy continuous attempts at trying to sound smart, as a result the boy or my sister (whoever is closest) never allow me to let myself ascend into such a big ego status. However there are some words that make me want to scream and rip my hair out in anger and cry for so long I could swim in the puddles. At the same time. I’ve decided to compile a list of said words for two reasons.

Firstly because I will then send the link to this blog post to my sister in an attempt to out-smug her. Since I am far away, she cannot hit me and I don’t have to run anywhere. Bonus. Secondly, I found an angry baby and a sad pug that sum up my feelings wonderfully and it would be a shame to let such images go to waste. So here’s my top five words that make me so mad that, if I was a cartoon, smoke would come out of my ears. Apologies in advance for sounding pompous! (Which was accomplished in one swoop with the use of the word pompous).

  • Innit: Why, oh why! When did this ever seem like a good idea? How much time does this actually save from isn’t it? Nothing! Pathetically I timed it, to give users of ‘innit’ the benefit of the doubt but nope. No time is saved, therefore there is no place for it in colloquial speech.

  • Fine: ‘Fine’ is the type of word that sends shivers down my spine. It makes me think of horror stories or angry, crazy people about to blow. When people use ‘fine’ it means: boring, or not fine. I’d rather alternatives to ‘fine’ were found, it’s the most mundane word in the world. It used to mean something, and that meaning has been lost. ‘Fine’ no longer means good, it means adequate and there are better words for adequate (like adequate). ‘Fine’ no longer has a place on our lips.
  • Cos: ‘Cos’ makes me sad more than anything else for many reasons. The main one being that it is usually followed by a really crappy excuse. The word ‘cos’ also reminds me of annoying kids, like me, from the 90s that were trying to be cool. ‘Cos’ is another of those words that doesn’t make you look cool and doesn’t save you any time. It’s usage eludes me.

  • Relax: I used to like this word, it used to mean calm and a chill out in front of the tv with my mum. However now if my voice changes an octave then the boy instantly tells me to ‘relax’. As if I am a child high on sherbet and sweets. It infuriates me so much that he now says it on purpose to raise my blood pressure. The word now means the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to. It makes me angry just thinking about it; if I was talking to the boy about it he would laugh and tell me to ‘relax’ and so my hatred for the word continues. And FYI: 99% of the time I AM relaxed.
  • Dough when used instead of though: My sister talks very fast and so cannot control her tongue enough to say ‘though’. One day those that use ‘dough’, will want to say ‘though’ and ‘dough’ in a sentence. The listener will not be able to distinguish the two. Why would you replace a word like ‘though’ with ‘dough’? Yes, they sound similar but they don’t sound the same and they mean two completely different things. Think about it: you’ll never be able to enter a bakers and ask for fresh bread using that particular dough. And that could happen one day! How very sad…

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A sincere apology

I want to start off by saying I’m very sorry for my sporadic posts of late; the whole issue of no internet and the fact when I’m on campus I do not really get anytime to myself means that blogging has sadly had to be left behind a little. The internet situation is still ongoing; but, luckily, this week wore jetpacks and flew past so only six days remain until the internet man arrives and I return to the 21st Century. I thought I’d explain, I really do appreciate all those that take the time to come and visit (and hopefully read) my posts. It’s quite a thrill to see that you’ve had a few people take the time out of their day to venture into your blogging cyberspace. It’s an even bigger thrill when you get likes or comments on the post (I do my happy dance EVERY time).

However I digress. My focus for this post is on the theme of apologies I’ve been thinking what constitutes a good apology? Obviously it has to be sincere. No point saying sorry begrudgingly just because you know the word has some sort of meaning. Although, saying that, I am one of those people that needs an apology if I’m genuinely angry as I feel it’s a sign of respect.

To me an apology is a recognition that wrong doing has been done. It’s an acknowledgement that even if the person doesn’t really agree that they were in the wrong, they understand that it has hurt or bothered someone else. And, due to a number of reasons including respect, they apologise.

It’s hard to apologise. I only apologise when I mean it. Which is arrogant and stubborn but I feel that that’s the least I can give someone if I’ve upset them. A few people don’t see it like that. The couple of times that I’ve actually been asked to apologise I’ve said no, not until I feel like I mean it. They tend to be stunned into silence or call me rude or whatever other names they can think of. I don’t mind though, I wait until they finish their rant, exhausted by their own anger and explain that even though right now they’re being silly, they deserve a meaningful apology. They go silent again and don’t seem to know what to say. Pretty sure those few people think I’m a bitch. Oh well. (FYI: I eventually apologised in the same conversation once I felt that it was meaningful, at least a little).

Of course, there are the fake apologies and everyone is guilty of them. It’s those apologies that don’t actually have any feeling behind them but are said because it’s the fastest way to resolve the situation. The apologies that fit into this category are not really apologies. You may as well just say cabbage to the person. The same effect is effectively made. But, due to the meanings that are typically associated with the word sorry, it is accepted. I guess it happens to every globally used phrase.

Words are nothing without meaning though. I’m a literature student and want to go into journalism so I probably believe this more strongly than the average person but it really is true. Words without meaning behind them when they are said or written are just scribbles on a page and sounds coming out of a mouth that has been able to manipulate them into coherent language.

An apology is up there with the ‘I hate you’, ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ for important words or phrases that are used on a daily basis. Without meaning it’s just another word, another sound. With meaning attached to the word ‘sorry’, that one little word can show respect, regret and love and a whole lot of other things dependent on each apology. A sincere apology is everything. If you don’t mean it, don’t bother.